In light of a trip to the hospital last night, my mind has been spinning. Am I really ready to have this child? I think I am. I think I am as prepared as I can be. But a dose of reality hit when I started having contractions on a regular schedule and the doctor’s office said, get to the hospital for monitoring. I’m only 29 weeks, so I knew I wasn’t going to be having him last night. That was a sure bet. But it was scary to hear for a number of reasons. One…I don’t have my bag packed yet. Who would of thought I needed one so soon. Two…even though I’ve been feeling him move around A LOT the last few weeks, it brought a whole new sense of reality to the impending delivery. I mean, this baby has to come out some time doesn’t he? Three…got to get my infant seat ready. I have an old one given to me by family that still needs to be cleaned and a new one from a friend that doesn’t fit in the stroller. So this weekend, we’re going to try to get a new one that fits. Fourth…it’s too early to be rushing to the hospital for contractions, does this mean bed or work rest? And what does that mean financially? and finally Five…what to do after he’s born with work, care and money? Do I work and have a stranger raise MY child? Do I try to stay home and sacrfice my current way of living? Do I use this time to enhance my skills as a graphic designer and a writer and begin to freelance (which in the beginning is pretty much no money at all)?
So many unanswered questions. I know deep down it’ll all fall into place. I know once David and I look into our son’s face for the first time our questions will be answered. But for now the unknown is unnerving.
peace and love.
PS: I was sent home after only monitoring for two and half hours. My contractions went away with a lovely shot of medication. I’m not even a full centimeter dialated yet. So everything is okay. Probably just first-time-mom paranoia working over time.
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