Thankful, on Thanksgiving

I know this post is cliche, but sometimes it helps to just take some time to think about what you are thankful for…it keeps us grateful for what we have and not take things, or people, for granted.

Here are somethings that I keep thanking my lucky stars for:

My Zachary.

My David. The greatest father, husband and best friend I know.

My second baby (haven’t found out if they are a boy or girl yet).

My family (too many to picture here!).

My friends (I don’t think I have a recent photo of all of us).

Living in Southern California, hot water, fresh air, comfy pants, my dog Brooklyn, ice cream, my laptop, the Internet, a meal that has come out delicious, sleep…I think I can go on and on.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

Cry Me a River

I know all pregnancies are different. I realize it, knew it going in to this pregnancy and I fully expected it.

However, I did not expect the flood of tears that would be flowing this time around. I cry for EVERYTHING. I cry because Zack didn’t fall asleep on time. I cry because of a Pampers commercial. I cry because I can’t keep my house clean. I cry for no reason (believe it or not, I don’t need a reason to turn on the taps). I even cry when Ellen gives money to poor people on her stupid show!

I also get headaches, but that’s besides the point. It’s the crying. It’s really annoying me and I’m sure that David doesn’t like it either. The other night I was just crying. Kept crying. I really didn’t have a reason. I wish I did, because maybe I could of wrapped my head around it and stopped the tears. But, no. No reason.

Sigh.

At least I’m not tired anymore! Yay!

A Handbag for Your Every Need

Or so I’d like to think so!

A couple of years ago I came up with this design for a bag while I was a student in college (I was an older student). I also worked on campus and many times my attire didn’t allow for me to carry what I needed without carrying my backpack or laptop bag. When I walked to lunch, I didn’t want to carry all of that – just my iPod, a credit card, my ID – then have to carry all that back to my office with my food. It became a game of juggling that I just was getting tired with. But I didn’t want to carry a purse and a backpack and a laptop bag. I wanted something I can drop into a bigger bag, yet not need my hands to carry. Thus, Suspended was born.

My mom made the original prototype from a horrible drawing of mine. I used it for a bit, fine tuned the details and then I had some made by a local seamstress.

I used it while I was in school and still when I was a career woman. Now that I’m a mom, I still use it as a wallet and I can easily put it in the diaper bag or Zack’s backpack or my gigantic purse. When I have been without Zack, it was easy to grab just my Suspended and hit the road.

I used to have them on their own site, but I recently took it down. Now I’m just having it hang out on this site and if you are interested, please send me an email: brandi.strand [at] gmail dot com.

Thank you!

To Get It Or Not

The news has been crazy about swine flu or H1N1. Every day there are different statistics, reports on long lines for the vaccines and the newest deaths around the country.

So what sucks for me is that both Zack and I are in the “high-risk” groups. I’m pregnant and he’s a kid. We should have lined up for our shots long ago, but I haven’t. I’m part of the 90% of pregnant women that have not got the shot.

I’m not working, Zack’s not in daycare. That alone has alleviated many of our avenues of getting it. I wipe down shopping carts and tables at restaurants with anti-bacteria wipes.

I guess I’m perplexed at whether or not the risks outweighs the benefits. Who knows what this vaccine is going to do to the millions of people who are getting it. Is the vaccine completely safe and no harm will be done to the three of us? Is the government trying to turn us into mind-controlled zombies that will agree with everything they say?

According to a report I heard today, I’m pretty much putting me, my unborn child and my son in front of a moving truck by not getting the swine flu vaccine.

What do you think? Did you get it? Are you going to get it?

Why is Acceptance Hard?

I read and hear time and time again about women who have not only accepted their after-pregnancy body, but have come to love it. What is not mentioned is how they felt about their bodies before their pregnancy. I feel like I was just as amazed as what my body could do to create a life as the next person, but, to be in love with my body? Hmm.

As a woman, I’ve never accepted my body. Well, maybe that’s an exaggeration. I’ve accepted it, but reluctantly. I’ve never been one to diet like crazy. I’ve never had an eating disorder. I’ve never been crazy about exercise. I’ve also never been fat, maybe even slightly below the average woman (no statistic to back that up). I have never been celebrity or model skinny. Size 5/6.

Because I nursed and went back to eating what I used to (no snacking, hardly any dessert) and relatively no exercise, I lost the 55 pounds I gained pretty quickly. Much quicker than I thought so I was pleasantly surprised. Okay, maybe the last 5 pounds were a bit difficult, but you get the point. To say I was happy with my after-pregnancy body would be a bit of an overstatement. But I again, reluctantly accepted it. That could also be because I knew that in a few months, Baby #2 would be on their way.

Oh how I wish I could feel true acceptance. I wish I could be happy with my body. How do they do it? How do they not mind the stretch marks, the sagging breasts, the dark circles under their eyes, the body that will never quite be what it was?

Poor Einstein, His Name is Being Dragged Through the Mud

Some of you may have heard that Disney is now refunding parents $15.99 for their Baby Einstein videos bought over the last five years. If you haven’t heard yet, here’s a link to check out.

Another article says, to sum it up, that the Baby Einstein videos which at one time claimed their were educational, are not only NOT educational, but could actually be destructive to their vocabulary. A study was done from the University of Washington for the American Academy of Pediatrics.

I know people who use TV to babysit their kids and I do not judge them. One person I know needs to have the TV on so that her child will actually eat. Otherwise he’s so hyper that he will not sit still. And I know people who truly believe that if the video says “educational” they think they are doing their child good by having them watch it.

Zack watches TV. Not as much as David or I used to. He may watch an episode of Wow! Wow! Wubbzy! or Sesame Street, and MAYBE even, a movie like Cars (not that he sits through a full episode or a movie all at once). He may watch only ONE of these, one episode, a day. There are some days, TV (for him) doesn’t even come into action.

When I was pregnant with him I decided that I was not going to have him addicted to TV like David and I are. We always used to have the TV on, even when we weren’t watching it. I think it’s still on a little too much, but I’m learning how to live without it. The worse habit we have is TV when we’re eating dinner. We both grew up with TVs in the kitchen, and some old habits are really hard to break. Tomorrow, I will put on music instead of the TV when we sit down to eat (need some noise, eating noises irritate the crap out of me).

This latest development in the children vs. TV story is an interesting one to me. I think it’s telling that we rely too much on electronic babysitters and now we can see the price of it. I don’t really care that it was Disney that got the brunt of it or any other baby “educational” video company. I think, as parents, we need to really take a look at what our children are exposed to and what WE expose our children to (and how often).

I do not have any of these videos. I don’t have any videos labeled “educational.” I don’t have Nickelodeon or the Disney channel (or cable or satellite). If I want him to watch something, I have to either turn on my laptop and find an episode online or I have to put the DVD on and all the associated equipment. Sometimes, either option is just too much work for only 5 minutes of his attention.

I’ll admit, it’s more work to keep him entertained during the day without the use of TV. We both have to be creative and flex our brain muscles. My house is never spotless and my shower is now moved to the night cutting into my time alone with David, but, with those minor sacrifices, Zack will learn to be more imaginative and more creative with his free time. We both converse and he’s very interested in things around the house. As I say what it is he’s pointing at, he tries to mimic the word back to me. It may sound nothing like the word, but most of the time it’s got the right amount of syllables. I don’t know if he would be doing that watching a Baby Einstein video.

It’s Been Awhile

I told you, dear friends, that when I started this project, I would be taken away from this blog for a bit. I didn’t think it would take me away this long. And the kicker is…I’m not even done!

But as I wait for something that should have been done hours ago, while I’m in an office miles away from home, while David isn’t answering his phone (maybe on purpose) so that I can check in…I decided to come over and say hello.

Hello.

Truth is, it hasn’t been just the project that has kept me away. It’s also been this exhaustion…this total and utter desire to sleep. Sleep when Zack is sleeping. Sleep when Zack isn’t sleeping and I have to fight to keep the temptation away.

Why so tired? I’m in my 10th week of my second pregnancy. 10th. Doc said “this will be your hardest week.” I think that she shouldn’t of told me that since, now in my strange little mind, I’ve made it so. I haven’t been sick for days. I haven’t been this tired the whole time. After my appointment last week…sick and tired. My mind likes to play dirty tricks on me.

So now as I wait, miles from home, there’s not much for me to do (didn’t bring my laptop, photos aren’t where they’re supposed to be) I concentrate on my sleepiness. And I wonder why David isn’t answering the phone. And I hope I didn’t get a parking ticket since I don’t have my parking pass. Oh yeah…and it’s dead silent in here, with the exception of this noisy keyboard and the printer printing away killing trees.

I do not miss office life. I want to get home, put on my comfy clothes and play with Zack.

I Think I’m Addicted

It hit me today while talking to my friend. There’s just no other way to explain it…I’m addicted.

So I’ve been “working” to end rocking Zack. But, well, it’s not going very well. Sometimes its just easier to rock him to sleep then sit in his room against the crib while he tosses and turns and plays for over an hour.

I guess it’s because I like it. He’s so busy these days exploring and walking that he has no time to just cuddle. Rocking is my way to get that cuddling time in that every mom craves. But it’s also because it doesn’t harm anyone. The only time it sucks is when we’re somewhere that doesn’t have a rocking chair…which doesn’t really happen very often. But at home, it’s no big deal.

I’ve been trying to rock him a little bit and then put him in his crib when he’s almost asleep. The problem…is that it’s always so nice and relaxing that I usually fall asleep, too. And who goes out first? Sometimes I’m not really clear. So then, he ends up sleeping in the chair with me for like 15-20 minutes and my plan fails.

Eventually my rocking days will have to end. But for now, I just can’t help myself. My friend totally called me out on it today, too. She said, “You like it too much, don’t you?” I had to confess that I did.

Not Like I had Thought

Staying at home, raising my son, was not like I had pictured in my head. I really imagined that I would be like June Cleaver or Samantha Stephens or even Lucy Ricardo without the crazy antics.

I recently took on this project for my current employer (the last one before officially saying good-bye) and I was a bit stressed about it. I also took on replacing bottles with sippy cups and bedtime without rocking…all that during a growth spurt.

I was upset that my house wasn’t getting cleaned, Zack wasn’t sleeping like he should, I was more tired than usual and I had this project (for the Vice President) looming overhead. I wanted to cry every night.

I was discussing my frustrations with David…translation = I was crying and complaining about being stressed…and he said he understood, but also that he was stressed about something he was working on at work. I understand that the working world has its stresses and that the home world has its own sets of stresses. My stresses many seem minuscule to those in the working world. His stresses are, most of the time, completely over my head. But that is not what this is about.

So there I was, lying in bed, wondering why it’s so much more difficult than I thought it would be. Why can’t I keep the house clean? Why can’t I keep Zack sleeping like he should? When was I going to have time to work on this stupid project? Why couldn’t it be like “Leave it to Beaver” and the house be spotless with minimal effort? Why couldn’t there be a meatloaf baking and ready as soon as David walks in the door? When will I be able to move through my house in a brainless, obsessive-compulsive way where everything is always spotless, disinfected and fresh? When will my dishes be done and my laundry folded and put away?

In the end…I decided that I’m going to stress less. If Zack doesn’t want to go back to sleep, I’m not going to push it. I’m going to take a deep breath and tackle the dishes…and the laundry…and the bathrooms. If dinner doesn’t get done before David gets home, oh well.

And by the time I wrote this, I’m almost done with my project. A huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. My dishes WERE done. Laundry is getting done…well, there are socks in the dryer. Zack is sleeping (a whole half hour earlier than my goal time). Ah, I feel better.

Almost a Year!

A week from today Zack will be one! I can’t believe it. Where has the time gone?!

The other day he surprised me. I wear headbands a lot…it’s the easiest way to do my hair, next to a pony tail that is. I hardly ever do my hair with him because he’s usually sleeping when I shower and get ready. The other day I had a headband lying around and he found it. The first thing he did with it was trying to wear it…on his head. Then last night he tried to put it on Elmo’s head. How did he know that?

He likes to reorganize his books. I put them side-by-side spines out, like normal. He rearranges them and piles them on top of each other. He did that with only one particular shelf of DVDs, too. I had to help him with the stacking and he clapped every time.

**

I’ve got a project to do that will take me away for a little bit. Just a few days. But I’ve got to spend every sleeping (Zack’s sleeping) moment working. It’s a paid project, so you understand, I’m sure.