To Get It Or Not

The news has been crazy about swine flu or H1N1. Every day there are different statistics, reports on long lines for the vaccines and the newest deaths around the country.

So what sucks for me is that both Zack and I are in the “high-risk” groups. I’m pregnant and he’s a kid. We should have lined up for our shots long ago, but I haven’t. I’m part of the 90% of pregnant women that have not got the shot.

I’m not working, Zack’s not in daycare. That alone has alleviated many of our avenues of getting it. I wipe down shopping carts and tables at restaurants with anti-bacteria wipes.

I guess I’m perplexed at whether or not the risks outweighs the benefits. Who knows what this vaccine is going to do to the millions of people who are getting it. Is the vaccine completely safe and no harm will be done to the three of us? Is the government trying to turn us into mind-controlled zombies that will agree with everything they say?

According to a report I heard today, I’m pretty much putting me, my unborn child and my son in front of a moving truck by not getting the swine flu vaccine.

What do you think? Did you get it? Are you going to get it?

Why is Acceptance Hard?

I read and hear time and time again about women who have not only accepted their after-pregnancy body, but have come to love it. What is not mentioned is how they felt about their bodies before their pregnancy. I feel like I was just as amazed as what my body could do to create a life as the next person, but, to be in love with my body? Hmm.

As a woman, I’ve never accepted my body. Well, maybe that’s an exaggeration. I’ve accepted it, but reluctantly. I’ve never been one to diet like crazy. I’ve never had an eating disorder. I’ve never been crazy about exercise. I’ve also never been fat, maybe even slightly below the average woman (no statistic to back that up). I have never been celebrity or model skinny. Size 5/6.

Because I nursed and went back to eating what I used to (no snacking, hardly any dessert) and relatively no exercise, I lost the 55 pounds I gained pretty quickly. Much quicker than I thought so I was pleasantly surprised. Okay, maybe the last 5 pounds were a bit difficult, but you get the point. To say I was happy with my after-pregnancy body would be a bit of an overstatement. But I again, reluctantly accepted it. That could also be because I knew that in a few months, Baby #2 would be on their way.

Oh how I wish I could feel true acceptance. I wish I could be happy with my body. How do they do it? How do they not mind the stretch marks, the sagging breasts, the dark circles under their eyes, the body that will never quite be what it was?

Poor Einstein, His Name is Being Dragged Through the Mud

Some of you may have heard that Disney is now refunding parents $15.99 for their Baby Einstein videos bought over the last five years. If you haven’t heard yet, here’s a link to check out.

Another article says, to sum it up, that the Baby Einstein videos which at one time claimed their were educational, are not only NOT educational, but could actually be destructive to their vocabulary. A study was done from the University of Washington for the American Academy of Pediatrics.

I know people who use TV to babysit their kids and I do not judge them. One person I know needs to have the TV on so that her child will actually eat. Otherwise he’s so hyper that he will not sit still. And I know people who truly believe that if the video says “educational” they think they are doing their child good by having them watch it.

Zack watches TV. Not as much as David or I used to. He may watch an episode of Wow! Wow! Wubbzy! or Sesame Street, and MAYBE even, a movie like Cars (not that he sits through a full episode or a movie all at once). He may watch only ONE of these, one episode, a day. There are some days, TV (for him) doesn’t even come into action.

When I was pregnant with him I decided that I was not going to have him addicted to TV like David and I are. We always used to have the TV on, even when we weren’t watching it. I think it’s still on a little too much, but I’m learning how to live without it. The worse habit we have is TV when we’re eating dinner. We both grew up with TVs in the kitchen, and some old habits are really hard to break. Tomorrow, I will put on music instead of the TV when we sit down to eat (need some noise, eating noises irritate the crap out of me).

This latest development in the children vs. TV story is an interesting one to me. I think it’s telling that we rely too much on electronic babysitters and now we can see the price of it. I don’t really care that it was Disney that got the brunt of it or any other baby “educational” video company. I think, as parents, we need to really take a look at what our children are exposed to and what WE expose our children to (and how often).

I do not have any of these videos. I don’t have any videos labeled “educational.” I don’t have Nickelodeon or the Disney channel (or cable or satellite). If I want him to watch something, I have to either turn on my laptop and find an episode online or I have to put the DVD on and all the associated equipment. Sometimes, either option is just too much work for only 5 minutes of his attention.

I’ll admit, it’s more work to keep him entertained during the day without the use of TV. We both have to be creative and flex our brain muscles. My house is never spotless and my shower is now moved to the night cutting into my time alone with David, but, with those minor sacrifices, Zack will learn to be more imaginative and more creative with his free time. We both converse and he’s very interested in things around the house. As I say what it is he’s pointing at, he tries to mimic the word back to me. It may sound nothing like the word, but most of the time it’s got the right amount of syllables. I don’t know if he would be doing that watching a Baby Einstein video.

It’s Been Awhile

I told you, dear friends, that when I started this project, I would be taken away from this blog for a bit. I didn’t think it would take me away this long. And the kicker is…I’m not even done!

But as I wait for something that should have been done hours ago, while I’m in an office miles away from home, while David isn’t answering his phone (maybe on purpose) so that I can check in…I decided to come over and say hello.

Hello.

Truth is, it hasn’t been just the project that has kept me away. It’s also been this exhaustion…this total and utter desire to sleep. Sleep when Zack is sleeping. Sleep when Zack isn’t sleeping and I have to fight to keep the temptation away.

Why so tired? I’m in my 10th week of my second pregnancy. 10th. Doc said “this will be your hardest week.” I think that she shouldn’t of told me that since, now in my strange little mind, I’ve made it so. I haven’t been sick for days. I haven’t been this tired the whole time. After my appointment last week…sick and tired. My mind likes to play dirty tricks on me.

So now as I wait, miles from home, there’s not much for me to do (didn’t bring my laptop, photos aren’t where they’re supposed to be) I concentrate on my sleepiness. And I wonder why David isn’t answering the phone. And I hope I didn’t get a parking ticket since I don’t have my parking pass. Oh yeah…and it’s dead silent in here, with the exception of this noisy keyboard and the printer printing away killing trees.

I do not miss office life. I want to get home, put on my comfy clothes and play with Zack.

I Think I’m Addicted

It hit me today while talking to my friend. There’s just no other way to explain it…I’m addicted.

So I’ve been “working” to end rocking Zack. But, well, it’s not going very well. Sometimes its just easier to rock him to sleep then sit in his room against the crib while he tosses and turns and plays for over an hour.

I guess it’s because I like it. He’s so busy these days exploring and walking that he has no time to just cuddle. Rocking is my way to get that cuddling time in that every mom craves. But it’s also because it doesn’t harm anyone. The only time it sucks is when we’re somewhere that doesn’t have a rocking chair…which doesn’t really happen very often. But at home, it’s no big deal.

I’ve been trying to rock him a little bit and then put him in his crib when he’s almost asleep. The problem…is that it’s always so nice and relaxing that I usually fall asleep, too. And who goes out first? Sometimes I’m not really clear. So then, he ends up sleeping in the chair with me for like 15-20 minutes and my plan fails.

Eventually my rocking days will have to end. But for now, I just can’t help myself. My friend totally called me out on it today, too. She said, “You like it too much, don’t you?” I had to confess that I did.

Not Like I had Thought

Staying at home, raising my son, was not like I had pictured in my head. I really imagined that I would be like June Cleaver or Samantha Stephens or even Lucy Ricardo without the crazy antics.

I recently took on this project for my current employer (the last one before officially saying good-bye) and I was a bit stressed about it. I also took on replacing bottles with sippy cups and bedtime without rocking…all that during a growth spurt.

I was upset that my house wasn’t getting cleaned, Zack wasn’t sleeping like he should, I was more tired than usual and I had this project (for the Vice President) looming overhead. I wanted to cry every night.

I was discussing my frustrations with David…translation = I was crying and complaining about being stressed…and he said he understood, but also that he was stressed about something he was working on at work. I understand that the working world has its stresses and that the home world has its own sets of stresses. My stresses many seem minuscule to those in the working world. His stresses are, most of the time, completely over my head. But that is not what this is about.

So there I was, lying in bed, wondering why it’s so much more difficult than I thought it would be. Why can’t I keep the house clean? Why can’t I keep Zack sleeping like he should? When was I going to have time to work on this stupid project? Why couldn’t it be like “Leave it to Beaver” and the house be spotless with minimal effort? Why couldn’t there be a meatloaf baking and ready as soon as David walks in the door? When will I be able to move through my house in a brainless, obsessive-compulsive way where everything is always spotless, disinfected and fresh? When will my dishes be done and my laundry folded and put away?

In the end…I decided that I’m going to stress less. If Zack doesn’t want to go back to sleep, I’m not going to push it. I’m going to take a deep breath and tackle the dishes…and the laundry…and the bathrooms. If dinner doesn’t get done before David gets home, oh well.

And by the time I wrote this, I’m almost done with my project. A huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. My dishes WERE done. Laundry is getting done…well, there are socks in the dryer. Zack is sleeping (a whole half hour earlier than my goal time). Ah, I feel better.

Almost a Year!

A week from today Zack will be one! I can’t believe it. Where has the time gone?!

The other day he surprised me. I wear headbands a lot…it’s the easiest way to do my hair, next to a pony tail that is. I hardly ever do my hair with him because he’s usually sleeping when I shower and get ready. The other day I had a headband lying around and he found it. The first thing he did with it was trying to wear it…on his head. Then last night he tried to put it on Elmo’s head. How did he know that?

He likes to reorganize his books. I put them side-by-side spines out, like normal. He rearranges them and piles them on top of each other. He did that with only one particular shelf of DVDs, too. I had to help him with the stacking and he clapped every time.

**

I’ve got a project to do that will take me away for a little bit. Just a few days. But I’ve got to spend every sleeping (Zack’s sleeping) moment working. It’s a paid project, so you understand, I’m sure.

My Never-Ending Battle

My battle doesn’t have to do with something tedious like flies in the house or getting Zack to clean up after himself (his toys take mere seconds to clean up).

My battle is something much bigger. Let’s say about 1100 square feet big. It’s my stupid house. Why oh why can I not get the upper hand and keep the damn thing clean?! I feel like it’s one step forward, five feet back. I dust the living room, the dishes overflow in the sink. I vacuum, the kitchen needs to be mopped. I actually get some baseboards cleaned, the toilets need to be scrubbed.

Sigh.

How can I get a leg up on the house? How can I, just once, feel like the house is clean? I’m not exaggerating, either. As I type my dishes are overflowing out of the sink, my bathroom sink is collecting hair, my floor needs to be swept and my carpet needs to be vacuumed. The idea of cleaning this house is beginning to overwhelm me. When I think about it, I want to cry.

I’ll try to go to bed early tonight, get a better start tomorrow. Maybe then I will feel like I accomplished something.

An Observation

Where I grew up in Riverside not too many people rode bikes or walked the streets. Kids and the more fortunate of the homeless rode bikes. Only kids walked to school. The adults that you saw walking around where either homeless, on their way to a liquor store or walking to the bus stop. Either way, it wasn’t very common to see people out on the streets (again, unless they were homeless).

Today while driving to the grocery store I saw an old lady riding her beach cruiser. She had obviously done some shopping at Target because her front basket and side-saddles where full of Target bags. What was cool was that she was cruising to her iPod. This lady had to be in her 70s. She wasn’t the only person I had seen on their bikes or walking around.

Also, this morning at the beach, there were tons of people walking around or riding their bikes. But this morning, in particular, must of been a good day for the homeless to hang out at the beach. Usually I hardly ever notice them, but today, I saw at least three dudes. Two of them were sleeping on the Huntington Plaza steps (in the bright sunlight, I should add) and one was smart…he was in the shade of a building talking to his hands.

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I fully intend, and sometimes do, take photos of interesting observations on my walks. My problem is that 1) I have an 11 month old; 2) I take my photos off on another computer; and 3) I tend to be lazy. 1 & 2 are just lame excuses to cover for 3, but that’s just the way it goes. Some day, I’ll get off my ass and actually do something that I say I want to do. Someday.

I Am Woman…Hear Me…(Well, Just Hear Me!)

I love being a woman. I love being female (well except when having to use public restrooms). I like chivalry.

There are feminists out there who believe we as women should be equal to men in every way. This is a touchy subject because there are some things that I believe men and women should be equal on, but there are others that there is no way.

Equality should be when it comes to employment. Men should not get paid more because they are men. Women should not be passed up on promotions because she has “family obligations.” However, there should be certain accommodations for women to help her transition back to work after having a baby. One in particular – a safe, clean place to pump. My job did not have that. I would of had to use my male boss’s office that didn’t have a locking door. No thanks.

But, I like being treated like I’m special just because I have boobs and a vagina. I like being treated differently because I can create a life and a man can’t. I like having doors open for me, I like being served first at restaurants, and I like being catered to. Chivalry is not dead in my house.

Mine and David’s roles are traditionally defined, too. I stay home with Zack, I clean, I cook, I do laundry. David works, does the outside stuff, cleans up after the dog, works on cars. I feel weird when our roles cross and he has to cook dinner (like when I was on bed rest). I’m sure he wouldn’t mind if I washed the car.

Some would disagree with my role as the wife and mother. But it doesn’t bother me. I rather enjoy it. So I change most of Zack’s diapers. So only I know where the clean socks are (because they are hardly ever in their drawer) and so what if I don’t know how much money we have in our accounts. This works for David and I. We are perfectly happy (though I think David wishes I had some income coming in) with the way things have turned out.

Feminists, more power to you. But please don’t ruin it for the chickies like me who like it the way it is.